STRAWBERRY YORGHUT CAKE & CONFESSIONS OF A WORDIE WHOSE A FOODIE

It’s incredulously easy to make, so proceed with caution because once you try it you’ll want to bake it every day…and what’s going to happen is that in a few months time you will probably need the jaws of life to pull out your undies from your ass!

MUY CALIENTE MATOKE CURRY

Last week I promised you some haaaaawwwwt matoke (cooked banana recipe) and I am here to deliver! All the Meru’s in the house mbanana’s! all the Kisii’s in the house amatoke! all the….well the rest of you don’t count when it comes to matters matoke!

EMOJI POST…OH! THERE’S ALSO A RECIPE FOR ROASTED BUTTERNUT SOMEWHERE IN THERE.

Old McBaitome (the boy farmer) or McMukomunene (the girl farmer), had taken his sweet time with these babies! They had been allowed to mature before being picked…and so the sugar content was off the chains high! Infact I suspect that they were getting massages with soft spa-like music playing in the background as they grew! I highly doubt if Old McDonald McBaitome/McMukomunene was shouting at this crop of butternut squashes, all conversations directed at or within the vicinity of the butternut must have been in soft, hushed tones.

NOSTALGIA, JACK DANIEL’S & BURGERS

Disclaimer: I’m about to share with you a burger recipe that will blow you away and knock your socks…and pants off, so I suggest you find an anchor and carry an extra pair of pants before reading on. Oh! and no cheese was harmed in the making of this burger.

STRAWBERRY AND RASPBERRY RIPPLE, NO CHURN ICE CREAM

If you aren’t devouring ice cream on account of watching your weight….then you can take this to the bank because a very wise transgender (I couldn’t decide whether I should say wise man or wise woman…so I went with transgender!) said it :

Don’t be afraid of a few extra pounds. Fat people are harder to kidnap.

PEA & BUTTERNUT COCONUT CURRY SERVED WITH RICE

First I have to share my numero uno (yeah I speak Spanish…..if you watched as much Dora the Explorer as I do -courtesey of Zizmaroo, then you would habla español too!!). As I was saying,my numero uno tip for peeling butternut squash is….microwave butternut for 30 seconds- 1 minute (depending on the size of your squash) this will make the rock hard skin acquiesce to your knife like an eager telenovela starlet (lets call her Juanita she plays the maid) to the leading man (we’ll call him Don Miguel- the devilishly handsome Owner of the Hacienda who was tricked into marriage by the Evil and conniving Esperanza)! ….I cannot fathom how anyone can stand to watch that visual vomit…..why can’t we all just watch progressive television, like the Real Housewives franchise, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta…. the L.A chapter is bit snooze inducing or even some program on Discovery science ( see how I threw discovery science, throwing you off the fact that I’m a reality T.V junkie whose sophisticated taste levels would not allow her to watch telenovela’s!!!)

CHORIZO PIZZA WITH A MINT & CASHEWNUT PESTO;BUTTERNUT SQUASH PIZZA WITH A MINT & CASHEWNUT PESTO, BOTH TOPPED WITH SAGE & A BASALMIC REDUCTION DRIZZLE

There were times, especially when I was traveling for ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ when, I swear to God, I would feel this weight of my female ancestors, all those Swedish farmwives from beyond the grave who were like, ‘Go! Go to Naples! Eat more pizza! Go to India, ride an elephant! Do it! Swim in the Indian Ocean. Read those books. Learn a language.’ -Elizabeth Gilberts